God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
