Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
