me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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