Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
