I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
