I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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