Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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