you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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