I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
