I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
