everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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