I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
