I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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