You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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