drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize