Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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