Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
