You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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