I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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