last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
