We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do herpes really smell.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
