MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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