I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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