A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
