i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
