i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
