Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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