I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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