So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
