If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sobbing to NWA
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
