i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
