I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
