Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're so nebulous sometimes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
