Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you had me at cake vodka
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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