I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
