Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize