I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
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DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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