We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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