Where is the hickey?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
