i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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