if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
