Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
