I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
