What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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