oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
