i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
