I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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