ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
