i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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