God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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