she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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