Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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