Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
