Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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