My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
