I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We have started to decorate penises.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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