lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
