I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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