And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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