I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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