Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pants are for mortals
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