You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
