that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
