I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
