No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
