Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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