the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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