I need help removing her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
