look no pants
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
