Kiss
Puke
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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