Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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