I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
