Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
