you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
