Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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