walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
